Things You Didn’t Know About Me (Or Maybe You Did) (Or Maybe You Didn’t and Now You Do and Wish You Didn’t)
There are many things to fear in this world. Let us make a list. (I like lists, have you noticed?)
Legitimate Things to Fear:
-painful death
-terrorists
-sharks
-kidnappers
-falling from great heights
-getting hit by cars (especially pertinent to college students who walk everywhere and almost get hit by cars in crosswalks on a daily basis)
-snakes
But I fear one thing more than anything on this list:
PIGEONS.
Scariest thing on this planet. Period.
Pigeons are like flying rats that like to swoop towards your head with their large talons. They have red, satanic eyes that look like they want to kill you. The flapping of their wings makes me drop to the ground and cover my head and cry. Pigeons hate us. You can just tell.
The first time I can remember this fear being an issue was when I was at a car wash, the kind where you eat popcorn while you wait for your car to come out. My big sister and I stood outside around all these people eating popcorn while pigeons swooped around and attacked. It was traumatizing.
Also one time a pigeon pooped on me at Disneyland. While I was eating. Pigeons are so evil they are even out to ruin the happiest place on earth.
Luckily my little sister is braver than me, because she would have to escort me from my car into high school if there were pigeons in the parking lot. I can’t even walk towards pigeons. They will fly towards my face and beak me to death, I just know it.
Actually I am scared of most birds because I am not a fan of large flying creatures that carry disease. The sound of flapping wings is the most terrifying sound in the world.
I just had 5 panic attacks in the last minute looking at this picture.
So there you have it. Pigeons are out to kill me and I would probably rather wrestle an alligator in a snake pit at the top of a 100 story building while being chased by a terrorizing kidnapper than ever come near a pigeon. If anyone has any advice for overcoming this terror, or better yet, would like to volunteer to wipe out the world’s population of pigeons, I will love you FOREVS.
Thanks for tunin’ in!
PS Brownie points to anyone who makes a Ms. Anderson reference in the comments.
6 comments:
Isn't it "peck" to death not "beak?" :) and I'll protect you Ames!!
I GOT POOPED ON AT DISNEYLAND TOO!
it was awful.
and i don't really love birds either..they are scary.
Hi, I'm Black Iris. As you can see I haven't been on my blog for a while and when I came on I realized that you posted a comment and it really changed my point of view of blogging .You're right I should blog more regularly, it allows me to reflect on my day and life more. I just never thought that anyone would ever stumble across my page. Thank you.
Haha I had to laugh when I saw the ms. Anderson thing she's nuts!!! I don't know if she said this with u around but she always said good sports and woo hoo! Haha :)
Did Ms. Anderson tell anyone about how she hated birds so she and her husband started shooting them with BB Guns and filling black trash bags with dead pigeons until they began to fear they were creating a super-intelligent strain of pigeons???? Because that was the funniest day of English class EVER.
LOL I totally remember that Ms. Anderson story! She must tell it every year. She was the funniest old lady teacher ever. Seriously.
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