Hot Dogs.

I feel like everyone can agree that hot dogs are generally just gross. I mean, sure, we still eat them, but they are basically cheap meat scraps ground up and shoved into a casing. (sorry for that image... truth hurts)

We still eat them because 1.) they are delicious, and 2.) it's practically un-American not to.

Hot dogs taste especially good when:
-you are really, really hungry.
-you are camping and you roast them over a fire
-you are at a sports event
-you buy them from a street vendor
-one word: Costco.
-it is summertime and you just played outside and/or went swimming for two hours at a barbeque.

Conclusion: hot dogs taste best while outside and when very hungry.

So yeah, I'm a big hot dog supporter when it's an authentic hot dog experience: doughy bun, dripping in ketchup and mustard, hot dog straight off the grill, eating surrounded by family and friends. Fantastic!

It wasn't until I came to college (and then got a pinterest account) that I realized that some people go for an alternative hot dog experience. Some people cut up their hot dogs.... (shudder)

I think that cutting up hot dogs takes away every redeeming factor about hot dogs. No reminiscing about summer picnics. No joyous laughter as the ketchup drips from the bun down your arm.

I have a low tolerance for unique hot dog presentations. I think it has something to do with being exposed to the texture of the inside of a hot dog. Which is questionable. And nasty. And not really "meat" in the traditional sense of the word. Also, I gag easily.

And so today we will be going over the "ick factor" of different forms of hot dogs, borrowing from the US Homeland Security Terrorist Advisory System.


LOW:
The authentic hot dog experience. Ahh. Pleasant.


GUARDED:

Hot dog without a traditional bun. Suspicious, but likely still delicious.source

ELEVATED:
Cut up hot dogs in mac and cheese. Stomach is turning. This is becoming NOT OKAY.

source

HIGH:
Cut up octupus hot dog. I cannot look at this picture without gagging. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO A HOT DOG. So unnatural. The fact that the hot dog meat is now in the form of tentacles is too much for me....

source

SEVERE:
THERE IS SPAGHETTI PUNCTURING THE QUESTIONABLE HOT DOG MEAT. (I don't even know if you can call it meat.) How can anyone eat slimy spaghetti out of the carcass of a punctured hot dog!!!??? I need to lie down.

source

Now that I feel very woozy and almost certain that I offended at least some of you (i still love you if you are a big alternative hot dog fan), I will leave you with my favorite kind of hot dog, and call it good. Presenting, my hot dog named Candy:

not good for eating. but GREAT for cuddling.

I trust little old ladies.

Yesterday I was leaving the temple when a nice little old lady started talking to me. She said she liked my shoes, so obviously she had excellent fashion sense for an eighty year old woman. She asked how far I was walking and I said just over a mile and a half… and then she offered me a RIDE!!! In her heated car!! I was super happy because my hair was wet and it was 40 degrees outside, and also I love talking to old grandmas with life experience!! Old people are da bomb!

Well she was a pretty cool grandma, until she asked where I was from and I told her Las Vegas. Then she gave me that “Ohhhh” response that is really annoying and said “Well I’m just so glad you could make it to Utah so you can be around good people!” Ohhh-kaayyy.

Well anyways, I was still pretty psyched that I got a ride home from a nice old lady, so I put it on Facebook thinking everyone would be so happy for me and we’d all feel warm and fuzzy inside and sing songs about rainbows and how there was still good in the world.

But did this happen? NO.

Everyone was freaking out about me getting in a car with a stranger! She was a little grandma people. Like, less than five feet tall, shuffles her feet, drives an old white car, old lady. If I can’t trust the little grandmas in this world, who can I trust??

On a related note, earlier today I went down to my apartment’s creepy basement laundry room and no one even shanked me.

See? My trust in the world is growing DAILY.