Straight Up Scholar.

Yesterday I had the blessed opportunity to enhance my knowledge of classroom management theories... aka: cram for my midterm. The really fun (aka: not fun) thing about the class is that it's chock full of theorists with strange names and their corresponding theories full of letters and numbers.

The three C's of discipline? The 4 dimensions of motivation? The 8 Z's of detention? Gotta know them all. (except the last one. i made it up.)

You should know that I am an extremely visual person. It gets out of hand sometimes.


I have to come up with an extremely unusual image or phrase to remember anything. It is both ridiculous and extremely enjoyable.

For example:

Remembering that Spencer Kagan developed the theory of "Win-Win Discipline" is cake when you realize that keggin' (kagan) is never a win-win.

Remembering that Thomas Gordon wrote "Discipline as Self-Control" is a no-brainer when you remember that Gordon sounds like gordo and gordo means fat in Spanish and then picture a fat person eating a donut with no self-control.

Lee and Marlene Carter's "Assertive Discipline" model is almost so easy it hurts. All you have to do is picture two elderly women named Lee and Marlene who are the assertive bullies in the nursing home. I mean, they steal pudding cups left and right, they push down people with canes, they race each other in wheelchairs. Dang Lee and Marlene. So assertive, I tell ya.

And grouping the theories by category is pretty simple too, especially when you remember that Dreikers and Albert took off their Glassers (glasses) and ditched their Nelson's custard to go Kagan (keggin') with Curwin. And Carter Skinnered a Bear, drank a Jones soda, and then went shopping at Marshall's. The imagery is both beautiful and unforgettable.

When there is a list of things to remember, I usually try to create something out of the letters. I faced some difficulty with the letters V, A, D and T (visibility, accessibility, distractability and traffic flow) until I realized that if you said it, it sounded like Vade-Teh, which is practically Vader, so I just drew Darth Vader on my paper. For studying purposes, you know.

And then I came across Friendliness, Attitude, Listening, and Compliments, which makes FALC, which is so close to millenium FALCon that the rest of the Star Wars memory aids practically wrote themselves.

It was a great afternoon of studying. I felt slightly insane.

But when I opened that test, I remembered every last thing!! A+

Being a weirdo works out sometimes.

Breathing: A How To Guide.

One beautiful thing about Brigham Young University (other than the fact that Jimmer went here and I love him) is that it is built on top of a mountain.

Some say hill... but I say mountain, because hills are cute little green things that you go skipping down singing songs about how they are alive, but mountains are things that make your lungs explode and cause you to want to die.

And so, every BYU student's life consists of trekking up and down these inclines, especially those of us that live down the large hill south of campus. And of course, anyone who ever goes down to the athletic buildings west of campus have to tackle the infamous RB stairs, which look like this:


Oh, so sorry, wrong picture. They just look so similar sometimes! The RB stairs look more like this:


In addition to trekking up and down hills outside, every building has lots of stairs, and elevators are shameful things that everyone will look down upon you for using. (well not really, but kinda)

The point is, unless you are a superior athlete, you experience frequent episodes of breathlessness while traversing this beautiful campus. And that is why I am writing today... to lend support and advice. Because you always seem to be walking amongst non-out-of-breath people who have been walking on level ground when you emerge from a steep ascent like a mountain-climber.

There are several strategies for retaining your composure and cool factor (aka: swagger) while you are desperately out of breath.

1. The "Suff' and Huff":
You mount those last few steps before reaching the top. Your lungs are beginning to burn and you feel the lack of oxygen building in your brain. As your foot reaches the top of the stairs/hill, you begin gasping wildly for air. You walk towards your next class, and see a total hottie approaching. As you pass, you nonchalantly hold your breath and smile. Then as soon as he is out of earshot, you gasp like a fool and breathe as deeply and loudly as possible. You begin to pass someone else and hold your breath, or just breath as quietly as possible. Repeat, until you are breathing normally once again.

social appearance rating: 9... other than the sweat trickling down your brow, you appear totally normal to passers-by!
potential for suffocation: 10.... this is why I have named it the "suff' and then huff."

2. the "Vigorous Nose-Breathing" technique:
This technique is helpful in loud crowds, or in situations where people are mostly pretty far away from you, because it can get pretty loud (you know...). You keep your mouth closed and smile, and try to intake as much air as is humanly possible through your nostrils! Win! An occasional deep breath through the mouth is recommended.

amount of cool factor that remains intact, visually: 87%
amount of cool factor that remains intact, audibly: 0%, because you sound like a wheezing old man.

3. The "Man Those Stairs Made Me Sleepy!" method:
This one is simple: Just cover your mouth and pretend you are yawning like a bear coming out of hibernation while you desperately gasp for air. A bear that yawns for a really long time. Disregard the adrenaline that is pumping through your veins while you feign drowsiness.

success in camouflaging your out-of-shape-ness: high
chance for receiving concern from others that you have narcolepsy: very high

4. The "I Just Really Enjoy Whistling Silently" strategy:
This one is definitely one of my faves... you just purse your lips into whistle formation and breathe deeply. I enjoy it because you have the ability to take deep, life-sustaining breaths, but it keeps your mouth gasping to a minimum.

sustaining life: 5 stars
flirting by looking like your lips are puckered: 8 stars

5. the "I Shamelessly Enjoy Living" mindset:
In this method, you actually disregard what people think of your hot-mess desperate breathing, and decide that you enjoy a regular intake of air, so you just breathe as much air as you need and don't think about how people perceive you.

self-confidence and sensibility score: perfect 10
creativity in breathing technique: a disappointing ZERO.

And lastly,
6. "Exercise So You Are In Shape Enough that You're Not Actually Out of Breath When You Summit Over 100 Stairs."

But that's just crazy talk, so we won't go there.

A Heart-y Facebook Rant.

This post is about facebook hearts. You know what I'm talking about: those cutesy little alligator brackets eating the number three ( <3 ) that magically turn into real hearts on facebook when you hit enter (♥). Little hearts have never really been my style, but they have their place on facebook and can be totes adorb on statuses like:

"I love my family so much, they are the bombest family ever, love you family!! ♥"

Or maybe "I just got engaged to the love of my life, OMGGG! As soon as he gets out of prison we will be wed!! ♥ ♥ ♥"

Or even, "Today was the best day ever. I went to walmart, snuggled with some pigeons on the sidewalk, and then ate some nachos. I love my life. ♥"

I mean THAT works. But that is not the kind of facebook heart I am talking about in this post. No. It is not.

This post is about what I like to call "irrelevant emotion-invoking hearts." (I lied, I just coined that phrase, but let us call them IEIH's for short.) Trust me, you have seen these all over facebook.

These hearts usually show up after one word, or a short phrase of words. The important thing to note is that these words never incite any feelings of sentimentality or tenderness or love at all on their own. Ever. At all. Words like: taco bell. Or maybe fungus. Or polka music. Or lamp shades. Or maybe just the name of a celebrity you have never before heard of in your life, like Snorfus McDundlefiffer. (I just made him up, but let's just say he is a prominent thespian in certain agricultural regions of Scotland.)

But the point is, these words PLUS a tender little heart, somehow makes it POETRY to the facebook world. It doesn't matter what it is, if you put a heart next to it, EVERYONE WILL LIKE IT.

My little sister willingly offered up this post from her facebook as the perfect example. she is such a gem. yes I call her baby sometimes. and yes we both recently went to the beach.

I do not understand this. I am leading a revolt against irrelevant emotion-invoking hearts. (Remember, IEIH's for short. I'm going to make badges.)

But the fact of the matter is, those darn little hearts somehow make that status cute and sentimental. Observe:

taco bell ♥

fungus ♥

polka music ♥

lamp shades ♥

Snorfus McDundlefiffer ♥

See??? Suddenly I am brought to tears thinking about this person's tender experiences at a nearby Taco Bell. Maybe she met her soulmate while on a taco bell run? And maybe she just made her mother's favorite stuffed mushroom recipe and the familiar aroma of fungus is bringing tears to her eyes? Maybe the staccato oompas of the tuba in polka music reminds her of her late grandfather and how he would play the tuba for her as she drifted off to sleep? And maybe she was caught in an unlikely gun battle in a furniture store and her life was saved by putting a lamp shade over her head and standing really still!??!? Perhaps Snorfus McDundlefiffer really is the most talented and deep actor in the universe and we just don't know it yet!???

I DON'T KNOW. All I am assuming is that the word or phrase must be unquestionably tender for that person for her to put a heart next to it! Either that or they are just using hearts recklessly and trying to generate emotion where emotion is not and that's.... that's just not right.

IEIH protesters unite. I'm going to start a campaign on facebook. Regulation of hearts needs to happen people.

It needs to happen. ♥

(see how tender that made the last sentence? told you so.)

How do you feel about excessive hearts on facebook? Are you guilty of the crime?

JUST IN: Do you want to try it out?? Post an irrelevant status on facebook with a heart and tell us all how it goes in the comments or email me a screen shot at amyn2217 at gmail dot com!

To read more of my observations about facebook, check out The Facebook Friends We All Have and Facebook: Bringing out the stalker in all of us. Or don't. Your loss.

Headbands... the way Nature intended.

I am talented at a few things. Things like picking up small objects with my toes. Things like sleeping through alarm clocks. Things like saying tongue twisters with impressive speed.

Did you notice that my list did not include doing cute things with hair? So did I. Therefore, when I actually do succeed at finding a hair trick that is successful I am... pretty psyched.

I present to you: Nature's Headband. (I took the liberty of attaching a name to the 'do)


Nature's Headband: Get the amazing hair- holding abilities and the look of sleek sophistication without the toxic chemicals of plastic or the painful side effects of tight metal headbands.

Pure. Organic. Endorsed by hippies everywhere.

All it takes is a low braid on one side of your head, pulled up and over the top of your head...

...and pinned! And if your hair is too short to go all the way over like mine, then just stick a flower over the bobby pins!

TA-DA!! I am so proud. I am even more proud that I am dressed, because I spent the morning in my pjs, throwing up. The hair is just like the cherry on top.

Check back tomorrow for another tutorial:

"How to Groom a Sexy Foo-Manchu in Five Minutes or Less."

To Tie or Not to Tie: Help a Girl Out

Dear Blog Readers,

Today I walked all the way from the football stadium back to my apartment. I had a sweatshirt with me but it was too warm to wear it, and I had a long ways to walk. I didn't feel like carrying it.... so I tied it around my waist.

I used to do it all the time in fifth grade. But I don't think I've done it since. And I was suddenly very uncertain.

IS THIS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE???

I had no idea. I did it anyways. But I could not for the life of me figure out if cool people did this anymore. At least since 2002 ended. Haven't given it any thought since then.

So I began searching for evidence. Lots of people had jackets with them on this unseasonably warm day. Surely I would see some cool people with theirs tied around their waist!

Nope. Most people were carrying their jackets. But I saw one other jacket tie-er.

An old man.


Please friends. Share your gems of knowledge. Give me a nugget of your wisdom. Even if I don't know you. Knowledge is power!

To tie or not to tie?

• Tie... its hands-free comfort!
• 
  
• Its ok, but only in situations like athletic events and camping where its cool to look like a tomboy.
• 
  
• If you tie, it will make you look like a ridiculous old man with a enormously out of proportion saggy butt.
• 
  
• I have never before even given this thought, nor will I judge someone who does either and Amy is just crazy.

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Aw Shucks... I've Been Tagged!

No, not with grafitti you sickos. BLOG TAGGED! Whee! I feel very honored. My beautiful, fashionable friend and former FHE sister Kailee tagged me on her blog today and now I am excited (and a little nervous?) to answer her questions. Lets go!

1. If you could only listen to one artist for the rest of your life, who would it be?

The Beatles. (Say it with a British accent though.) My moods in music change daily... some days I am listening to Micheal Buble all day and some days I am jamming to Eminem and hardcore rap. But I am ALWAYS in the mood for the Beatles. Plus, it reminds me of my daddy.



2. Do you/ did you sleep with a stuffed animal and what is it?

Yes? I used to I think. I had a ton of stuffed animals. They were my pretend friends. I think I slept with all of them at one time or another. (Wow that sentence definitely sounds a little trashy... But keep it clean folks.) I remember this purple dragon I used to have that smelled really weird. I really liked it. Nowadays I ALWAYS sleep with this little red Squish pillow*. I cannot sleep unless my arms are wrapped around something.
*Ashley M. likes using this pillow for other purposes bahahahaha.

3. What is your favorite Disney movie?

Cinderella! I just really really love Cinderella stories in general. And I think the Disney classic Cinderella movie is just so beautiful.



4. What is one thing in your life you regret doing or not doing?

I guess I kind of regret not always being more myself because I wasn't sure if people would like me for it. But no one really likes a quiet girl who agrees with everyone anyways. I could have had many more fun times if I'd been my funny self. Truth is, I'm a straight-up gangsta and I'm really fun!

5. What is your favorite thing about blogging?

My favorite thing about blogging is definitely letting my true personality shine through. I love writing. And I am a fun-loving, sarcastic, gangsta person but sometimes I am shy and people don't even realize it. So I am glad more people are able to see me for who I am through this blog. A lot of people have told me they are surprised by my humor... guess they never knew the REAL me!

6. What is one of your most embarrassing moments?

Read this blog and you will find plenty. Grabbing a strange boy's thigh. Falling in a puddle of punch at a wedding reception. Wandering through campus with tears streaming down my face. Not to mention the time I fell into the organ pit up on the stand one time during seminary. And many, many more to come. I know its why you people read my blog! Don't act like you don't get pleasure from my pain!!! ;)

7. If you could change your name to something else, what would it be?

I would really like a gangsta name like A-mizzle Balla Holla Fershizzle so I could legitimately roam the streets of Provo and instill fear in others. Please check out this helpful (and extremely in depth) e-How article on how to create your gangster name. It is a superb resource.

8. What is one of your greatest accomplishments in life?

Hmm, I would have to say the one or two times I woke up early, ate breakfast, legitimately looked decent, and made it to class on time here at BYU over the last year. I have never been prouder. And it hasn't happened in a long, long while. And probably never will again! Holla!

Well, I hope you didn't have to grab your tissue box and hold hands and cry with your nearest friend as you read this post! Oh feelings....

I feel like I was just on Oprah...

T.G.I.F.

Things You Should NOT Follow:

-a kidnapper down a dark alley

-a garbage truck

-bad advice

-a funeral procession if you are not in it

-a bear cub when its momma is watching

Things You SHOULD Follow:

-the leader if you’re playing Follow the Leader

-your heart

-what is going on in the world

- the food pyramid

-THIS BLOG! Hey-oh!

Click “follow” up on the right hand side of my blog and become an official follower! Do it. It feels so good, I promise.

TGIF= Thank Goodness I'm Following (amy's blog)!!!!

And if you have been reading lately, leave me a comment; I’d love to read your blog too!

The Secrets to the Perfect Library Nap

We’ve all been there. Studying in the library, trying to pull through and finish an assignment. You’re going strong for a while. But then your blinks start to linger. And then your head starts to droop. You lean your head on your hand. And then the bobbing starts.

You fight. Like a brave soldier you try to defeat the oncoming sleepiness. But no matter how many times you blink, no matter how hard you tap your leg or pinch your arm, the words on the page get fuzzy, and you are getting nowhere. This is called "late-afternoon shutdown time."

It is time for a very special event.

THE LIBRARY NAP.

I personally am I huge fan of the library nap. I would call myself an expert Library Napper. Today I am going to share with you the secrets to taking the perfect library nap. College students, pay close attention.

1. Pick a secluded area. Don’t sit where foot traffic is busy… you will get bumped by passing collegiate jerks. BYU students, I’m telling you, CUBICLES are the way to go. It’s like your private nap zone. My favorites are the fourth floor cubicles near the kid’s books along the south wall. Come find me. I’ll probably be asleep.

2. Bring a jacket to cushion your head. Roll that baby in a comfy lump, slap it on your table, and BAM! You have a pillow on the go. NICE.

3. AND THE SECRET TO THE PERFECT NAP: I recently invented this system. It is so genius that I had to share. One problem with library naps is falling asleep too deeply and drooling all over your desk. This is sure to make you uncool. Another problem I used to struggle with when I was a novice library napper was sleeping way too long like a crazy homeless person who sleeps in libraries. One time I am pretty sure I was out cold for a good hour. To achieve the perfect power nap, follow these simple instructions:

• Open your iTunes and make a playlist of three or four soft, sleepy songs. I have a soft Motab, a couple acoustic guitar songs, and Little April Shower from Bambi. (Don’t judge me, it’s relaxing).
• Then find the most jolting song you can find and put it at the end.
• Insert earbuds.
• Hit play.
• Fall asleep to soft songs. They will relax you but not let you become dead to the world.
• Wake up to jolting song 10-15 minutes later.
• Do your homework again with a smile!

Clearly, college has made me super smart.

Wednesday Wisdom

It's always darkest before the dawn.

So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

-Author Unknown

Have a fun Wednesday!! :)