Happy.

Over the last few weeks, I kept seeing this quote (okay, so what if it was on Pinterest…) that really intrigued me, from Kurt Vonnegut. He said:

"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.’”

Trying to go on a mission has been THE hardest thing I’ve attempted so far in my life. When I made the big decision last November, I didn’t know that deciding to go on a mission was like asking for a world of hurtin’ before I even leave.

It’s middle school dodge ball with a target on your head. The balls are called: humility, discouragement, and overwhelming worry.  Except it hurts worse than dodge ball ever did. And you can never explain it and after a really long time of waking up in the night choking back tears, it feels like you will never, ever recover.

When I hurt my knee just a few days before the MTC, I felt—at the time--like it just might be the straw that broke the camel’s back. I have tried so hard to get out on a mission because I know it’s what I need to do…. can at least one thing go right for me?  Why does everything have to go wrong every step of the way?

But then something interesting started happening: people started telling my cynical self, “Everything happens for a reason!” and “It’s in the Lord’s hands.”  And I looked down at my knee brace and started to have faith.

A few days ago, I watched the Olympics with my family and then read my scriptures and went to sleep. I slept all night and woke up rested and happy. The sick feeling that had been in my stomach for months and months and months was gone. 

I got dressed and ate a bowl of cereal and brushed my teeth. My mom drove me to physical therapy and we talked the whole way there.  While I did my exercises I had a laughing fit and my physical therapist laughed with me. My mom and I went to Costco and bought tons of fruit just because it’s summertime. I went home and ate a turkey sandwich and I slipped my cute little dog a chunk of turkey. 

I put on my swimsuit and carefully (because of the knee) got into the pool with my little sister.  It was 115 degrees outside and the water was way too warm to be refreshing (bleh). But we floated on pool noodles and told each other funny stories.

I looked around at my beautiful backyard… and up at the palm trees… and down at the water… and finally, inside myself…

…and then I said to myself, “It this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

Maybe it will be a really long time before I find out why I hurt my knee, but I think that moment counts for something.

L- my backyard R- graphic via http://lollipops-and-roses.blogspot.com/2012/02/classic-quotes-kurt-vonnegut.html