I hate hackers....

Just to let my friends know, my email was hacked this morning, so if you got a crazy email from me saying that I was mugged in London, ignore it! Someone took over my account and changed my password, and started spamming everyone on my entire contact list. I filled out a Gmail form and they let me back into my account, and Jess found that the hacker had set up my account to forward all my emails to them!! Yikes... luckily she is smart and caught that, and I reported their IP number (from New York) and such to the folks at cybercrime.gov to take care of the scum that does this. Hopefully, nothing bad comes of this, except for my archive of all my emails and every contact I have going back 5 years being deleted! Oh you just gotta love when stressful events happen before breakfast!

Dumb hackers.

So feeling violated and paranoid, I started brainstorming what kind of person from New York sits around and hacks an innocent chick's email. For some reason that I truly cannot explain, the first thing that came to mind was the Dread Pirate Roberts. Obviously, I have watched Princess Bride so much during my impressionable lifetime, that the Dread Pirate Roberts now exemplifies everything sneaky and evil in this world. Good to know.

Computer hacker?

But then I remembered that the Dread Pirate Roberts was actually Wesley, and Wesley was Buttercup's "troooooooo loooooooooveee" and he actually saved her from the evil Humperdink.

Also, if computer hackers look like the Dread Pirate Roberts and can scale a cliff and beat a giant, then I feel very creeped out that they were in my email.

So I deserted that idea and decided to find a new persona for my computer hacker. Now I am convinced that the person who hacked my email:

• is thirty-five and lives at home with his mom
• has two best friends named Kitty and Fluffy who are both cats
• goes to bed in Star Trek sleepers
• lives primarily off aerosol cheese
  
• has buck teeth
• hasn't left his house in 3 weeks and has no hobbies
• has no skills or brains except for computer hacking and only because he has no life and spends all his time on his computer.
  

And suddenly I feel a LOT safer.

Maybe it was even Napoleon Dynamite who hacked my email just to get a girl?



YUP. Thats who did it. Napoleon Dynamite. Red-afro, quesa-DILLA eating, chapped lipped Napoleon. Not some creepy, scheming cyber-criminal.

I feel so much better.

Except now everyone knows that I am a nerd.

Dang.