Dear Ke$ha,
I know you get a lot of hate from folks about acting really trashy and singing crappy songs that are 98 percent auto-tuned and that are mainly about brushing your teeth with whiskey. You know, they are just being harsh. Ok, so all those things are actually very true, but I’m sure you have a lot of redeemable qualities!
Like, right off the bat, I have to say it’s impressive that you wake up every morning feeling like P. Diddy. I usually wake up every morning feeling like Oscar the Grouch, so I have to give you props girl!
Fresh.
Also, I admire a girl who can get away with saying Po-Po. It’s something that I know I could never be cool saying. Point for Ke$ha!
Ok. Those are your redeemable qualities for now.
But Kesha, you really got to pull it together girl. There are so many things you could do to help your image. First of all, try spelling words correctly from now on. I know you think Tik Tok looks cooler, but it just makes people think you flunked second grade. Also, I really think the brushing your teeth with whiskey thing is going to go awry for you one of these days. While I can’t say I’ve ever tried it, it can’t possibly leave you with the same minty breath as good ol’ Crest, and by now people are probably staying far away from your whiskey breath.
Also, maybe try NOT singing about being a cracked-out alcoholic who lets drunk boys touch your junk. That might also help your image quite a bit.
Also, I am VERY concerned about your eye sight darling.... I think you need some VERY strong glasses. In fact, I would recommend you head to the optometrist right this moment. I mean, you say you kick boys to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger.... Have you SEEN Mick Jagger????
Not Ideal Man
Please.... Let it be that you need glasses. And not that your mind is completely warped into thinking this is attractive.
Lastly, Ke$ha, you sweet little angel you…..
WEAR PANTS DANGIT!!!
This picture makes me weep for my generation.
You look like someone who has been homeless for over a year and who salvaged trash bags from a dumpster to sew yourself clothes, but then got in a brutal fight with a cheetah on the way to your concert.
I’m just trying to help you Ke$ha. Really.
And as sweet as you are to tell me that my love is your drug…… honey, I think that straight up DRUGS are your drugs.
Much love,
Amy
8 comments:
HAHA! I love it. You really should mail her your letter... Srsly.
AMY!! I love this! It makes me miss you more than ever! But guess what? I will see you again in 6 weeks!
Wow. That had a lot of exclamation points. But seriously, you deserve them.
Oh my goodness! I think you need to be Kesha's life coach. I'm sorry but I refuse to call her Ke$ha
Who is Ke$ha? I feel really dumb, she looks like Ashley Simpson.... I feel dumb that I don't know who that person is...
Jessica, be THANKFUL you don't know who she is! She probably hasn't hit the airwaves in Rexburg, but here they play her songs ALL the TIME. And she can't even sing! And they're all trashy! BLECK. This post had references from some of her songs like "Tik Tok" if you've ever heard that....
Thanks for your comments.... I just put words to the angst that America is feeling over Kesha and her craziness!
I don't know who she is, but I can only imagine. You kind of clued me in on the fact that I DON'T want ot know her :) I do have to say though, that I LOVE the letter. Nicely done :) You put a smile on my face every time I read your blog!! Thanks :)
Girl, you are hilarious! I am laughing so hard right now that Jade is, in fact, mock laughing at me. I agree w/ this post 100%.
Did you know that she scored a perfect score on the SATs? Yeah.
That was right before she dropped out of high school.
What the heck.
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